Why Doctors Still Use Bleeps: theHotBleep
The Domain Dilemmas
“Lights, Camera, Action!” – that’s what they say in Hollywood, right? Well, in the real world, my world, it’s more like, “Xanax, Caffeine, Bleeps!” After a day that felt more like a marathon in scrubs, my mind nagging me about starting the first article for my digital health platform, ”theHotBleep”. What a weird name, you must be thinking. Well, In today’s world, with around 400 million domain names and over 3 billion unique social media handles, you have no chance finding a sexy four letter domain for less than six figures. Initially I had my heart set on ‘thehotpager,’ but fate had a funny twist in store. Did you know there’s a famous female golfer named Paige with 4-million IG followers? I didnt. And she is hot! I mean smoking hot!! I think you can see where this is going. Long story short, my innocent search for ‘thehotpager’ using hospital Wi-Fi led to a rather awkward invitation to the hospital security office for accessing restricted content. Thankfully, they knew me – the doctor who’d helped them out once with a prescription for a rather discrete condition. After a good laugh, they let me off the hook, a reminder to always be in good terms with the hospital security.
But this journey to finding the right name got me thinking about my constant battle with procrastination. I often found myself delaying tasks, even important ones like writing for theHotBleep. That’s when I discovered the wonders of AI in combating procrastination. I had invested in Trello, an AI-powered task management. It helped me break down tasks, set practical deadlines, and even reminded me when I was most likely to be productive. Hectic nights like these were starting to wear me down. Realizing I was not going to be running these marathons until retirement age, I constantly brain storm business ideas. ”Trello is alright for now I guess, but, whats next on the curve? Instead of using human antenas to interface with a screen, imagine AI enhancements integrated directly into our neural network so these procastination nudges are automated, upgrading our ancient human software that hasn’t seen an update in billions of years!?” I shake off that strange thought, getting back to the main story.
After leaving behind ‘thehotpager,’ my quest for the perfect name continued. Eventually, I landed on ‘theBleep.’ Oh, and in case you didnt know, a bleep, also known as a pager, is that small device doctors carry around to alert them they are needed somewhere in the hospital. Where each doctor decides to carry it or how quickly they answer it often tells you a lot about their persona, but thats a topic for another day. I digress, as I often do. As this tale unfolds, you’ll witness the transformation of ‘theBleep” into ‘theHotBleep.’ It’s a tale of evolution, showing how even a simple name can blossom into something far greater. In the enormous digital universe, discovering the right name can be like discovering that the freindly postman you did not pay attention to for all those years is actually your real dad!
The Unexpected Encounter
Here I am, settling into the doctor’s lounge at this very moment, my haven of quiet. In one hand, I hold a strong black coffee, and in the other, a much-needed dose of Xanax. It’s 3am, and the lounge is mine alone, draped in darkness, bliss amid chaos. As I sink into relaxation, my eyelids heavy with fatigue, I believe I’m completely alone. So, I let out a loud fart, thinking it’s just me and the shadows. But, like a ghost emerging from the darkness, Kate, the hot new resident doctor I had been eyeing, rises from a sofa across the room. Her face shows utter shock. Caught off guard, I’m torn between apologizing and just offering an awkward smile. In the end, I just grin, which seems to upset her even more. Without a word, she leaves the room. “She’s not that hot after all,” I console myself, blunting my emotions. Emotions? Why do we even have them, what purpose do they serve?
Now truly alone, I brace myself to finally start the long-postponed article. Finally, I can start. Considering how relentless the on-call has been, bleep after bleep, surely by the laws of statistics I deserve a moment of peace. It’s amazing what you crave for at that sacred time during a busy night shift. But just as I begin to immerse myself in my thoughts, my pager springs to life, shattering the calm and inducing a short-lived run of palpitations. Damn it! If anything will ever make me believe that life is a simulation, it’s this wicked sense of coincidence. It’s like missing the bus that you have waited for hours the second you decide to go and pee.
Ignoring The Omen
With reluctance, I try to ignore the annoying tone of my bleep. The sound stops, but the vibration in my pocket lingers, a ghostly reminder of too many nights disrupted by its urgent calls. Finally, when it’s quiet, I take out the cold, metal pager and place it next to my iPhone 15 PRO MAX on the table. I look at my phone, like we all do, hoping for some kind of notification, a text, a WhatsApp, anything to feel connected. But there’s nothing. Not even a hospital-app alert. My phone just sits there, dark and quiet, almost mocking me to compare it to the old pager. Together, they look worlds apart. I can’t help but wonder, “Why are we still stuck with this Jurrasic-tech when smartphones can literally cook and serve your dinner?” I ask myself softly.
As if orchestrated, the TV in the corner mumbles something about how AI will replace doctors before it flickers out, and goes blank. Pulling me further away from today’s world. Is it broken? I don’t care to check. I dont have the time to care. I need to focus, or this article will never get done. There’s an aura in the air, like the universe is setting the stage for something important. To avoid distractions, I lean in closer to my MacBook, remembering a lesson from Mrs. Peters, my 3rd-grade teacher. “The closer you get to your book, the more it becomes part of you, and the less distracted your soul is,” she used to say. Whatever it meant, that advice has always worked for me. “Start now, or never,” I tell myself, a bit louder this time, as if to convince myself. I’ve answered every bleep tonight on the first call. So, if it’s really important, they’ll have to page me again.
The Rear-view Mirror
Finally, I start.
Here it goes…
In this age where technology can do wonders, the bleep seems comical. Remember those scenes in old movies with doctors getting urgent pages? That’s still our reality today. We’re clinging to the bleep, a paging system that’s survived the test of time, stubborn and unchanged. It’s like choosing a fax machine over email, or riding in a horse-drawn carriage when electric cars zoom past. In our world, where robots can perform surgeries, the bleep feels misplaced. Think about it: even the gangsters of the ’80s, notorious for their pagers, have upgraded to the newest tech. This shift poses an intriguing question about the values of capitalism. Does it suggest that the urgency and profitability of their business outweighs the critical needs of healthcare? It’s a thought-provoking reflection on our priorities. Why does healthcare tech lag behind all other industries, like the military industry? Is it more important to kill, or to heal? After all, our bodies are the essential hardware of life. If we aren’t investing in the best for this hardware, then what chance does humanity have? Isn’t it time we question whether our healthcare systems are being equipped with the best technology possible in this capitalist-driven world?
The Mocking Continues
The bleep has a certain nostalgic charm, like in medical dramas, where it’s the hidden hero, signaling emergencies with its insistent beeps. But let’s be honest, it’s often just an annoyance. Imagine you’re deeply engaged in a patient consultation, and out of nowhere, the bleep shatters the calm with its nagging buzz. Those ringtones — as if they were deliberately designed to annoy? They’re a constant reminder of the endless demands of hospital life.
Humane AI PIN
Now, think about a different reality. What if, instead of that intrusive bleep, updates arrived quietly on a smart device? Picture a world where doctors and nurses get subtle notifications, fully integrated with hospital systems. Details about patients, their condition, their vitals, urgency levels, all delivered to your hand. Thats right, a reflection on your palm like the new Humane AI Pin, enabling you to literally talk to your hand! And in these massive hospital complexes, why not include navigation tracking and a map to guide you right to the spot? Ever got a bleep about a “Cardiac Arrest in Ward B2” and had no clue where to go? Wouldn’t it be great if there were also food-ordering, hook-ups and ride-sharing apps on the same device? This vision is modern, streamlined, efficient, and …. sadly, not yet our reality.
The bleep’s biggest issue? It’s a one-way street. All it displays, is an extention for you to ring, or if lucky, one or two words. It calls, you rush to answer, but it’s like getting an urgent telegram, with no clear information. Who’s calling? What’s the emergency? Can it wait? In our age of instant back-and-forth communication, the bleep seems stubbornly stuck in the past. We’re in the midst of a technological revolution, with AI and machine learning changing everything. So why do we cling to a system that hasn’t evolved much since its in invention in 1949 by AI Gross (yes, thats his real name)? The time is ripe for healthcare to move on from the bleep, to adopt smarter, more efficient ways of staying connected. Let’s usher in a new era where hospital communication is smart-tech-driven, leaving the bleep where it belongs — in history.
The Twist
Yes! I have done it. After just thirty undisturbed minutes, thanks to the well balanced drive of caffeine and calming effect of Xanax, I have finished the article. My finger hovers over the publish button. But just as I press publish, my bleep, the very subject of my playful critique, springs to life. A re-enforcement of my simulation theory? This time, it’s not the familiar, monotonous beep I’m used to. Instead, it’s a long, urgent call, a sound I’ve never heard before, almost like a siren.
With a blend of irritation and a sense of duty, I grab it, expecting some typical hospital issue. But what flashes on the screen is anything but typical: “National Emergency, I repeat, National Emergency! All national Wi-Fi and cellular networks are down. Hospital communication apps are all non-functional. Only reliable communication is: the Bleep!” I stand there, shocked. So, thats why the TV had flickered out! My phone’s silence, I should have found it weird, but the brain is an ancient piece of software that can deceive us. When we desire a certain outcome, we rationalize our decisions. My eyes widen in disbelief. In a twist I never saw coming, worthy of a blockbuster movie, the bleep has suddenly become our sole lifeline in a crisis.
Then, in a turn even more surreal, a video message begins to play on the bleep’s tiny screen, anaemic of pixels. A video? On a pager? It seems almost like a dream. Had the tech in the bleep silently been evolving into AGI? I rub my eyes momentarily. When I open them, there it is, playing before my eyes. The voice emanating from the device is authoritative, echoing with the wisdom of the ages. It’s as if the bleep itself is speaking to us all. The video is a scene from the Guy Ritchie movie, RocknRolla: “There’s no school like the old school, And I am the headmaster.”
These words reverberate around the room, a powerful message from the bleep itself. Its simple but enduring design has reasserted its importance, its irreplaceable role in our existence.
My mind has no option but to surrender to the only explanation this miracle it can clutch on; convinced that over the many years, the bleep has silently been evolving into AGI, my perspective completely changes. Maybe, in my eagerness to embrace everything new, I neglected the unwavering reliability of the old. The bleep, with its no-frills but effective functionality, stands resilient amidst a collapse of technology, a pillar of reliability when everything else falls apart. I have changed three broken iPhones in the last 2 years, but I have dropped my bleep over twenty times without malfunction. Not even a hiccup despite going through the washing machine!
I am left with no option, but to change the ending of this story! Luckily, at the alarm of my bleep going off, instead of pressing publish, I had pressed ‘’save draft’.’ Was that intentional? Self-preservation? There is no time to waste on these internal micro psychological warfares between my right and left brain. I have to get on with the revision.
The Revision
And, here is the revised ending;
As the final words of our tale unfold, let’s remember a crucial lesson: When the world of high-tech falters, it’s the humble bleep that endures. This simple device, often overlooked, stands as a testament to the fact that sometimes, the simplest methods are not just relics of the past but vital lifelines in our complex world. In an unexpected cinematic twist, the bleep lands a final, stunning knock-out blow. “Did you really think I would just fade away into the shadows? That’s as unlikely as James Bond dying in a movie named after him! You know better than that, its impossible” the bleep says with a chuckle. Like an action hero in an epic saga, it defies all odds, proving its worth against a backdrop of advanced technology.
And so, in honor, the bleep, is knighted to become theHotBleep, and so goes the title of the platform. Furthermore, it earns an honourary doctorate to be also known as Dr. Bleep. This underdog, this unexpected hero, emerges larger than life in a story that extends far beyond the confines of a mere gadget. It is the embodiment of resilience, a statue of hope, proving that sometimes the most unlikely of heroes plays the most pivotal role. Dr. Bleep, just having received his medal – a stethoscope – now standing at the podium of triumph, offers a few words to commemorate this revelation. (this is why the stethoscope to this day is the universal doctor’s medal)
“They do not call me die hard for nothing” Dr. Bleep declares, his voice resonating with the wisdom and tenacity.
THE END
Epilogue:
What?? Epilogue?….Who writes epilogues, you might ask? Well, I do, and I hope you are not one of those who gets up and starts walking out of the cinema 5 mins before the movie ends! Whats the point, are you trying to look cool? Well you are not, because there is an epilogue! Thats the best part that Jackie Chan shows all those funny stunt failures, my favourite! And here’s one you surely don’t want to miss.
There I am, having finally completed the article, eagerly awaiting that dopamine rush I’ve become all too familiar with. Just like a junkie waiting for that next hit, this time, determined to hit the correct button (no pun intended), ‘Publish’. Closing my MacBook with a sense of accomplishment, I’m suddenly met with an unexpected visitor, like the second coming of the ghost that haunted me before — its Kate! The lounge is still dark. I can just about makeout a smile on her face and two cups of coffee in hand, one for her and one for me. “You dropped your bleep,” she says casually.
Is this real? For a fleeting moment, my thoughts spiral, reminiscent of the flickering TV that had earlier succumbed to darkness. Was I asleep all this time? Had the Xanax taken its toll, or were these the hallucinations of a caffeine-fueled, sleep-deprived mind? I thought she had walked out on me? In the short time I have sat in this lounge to write this article, I have gone through emotional turmoil, fought procastination, digressed, needed caffeine and a 3rd grade hook to focus and still, made errors, and become confused. Where these the limitations and challenges faced by all humans in high-stress jobs and emotionally complex environments? Amidst this turbulence of thoughts, just before I can reboot my brain to avoid an impending system crash, a moment of clarity breaks through. How could I have missed it all this time?! Such an obvious truth? It’s not the bleep that’s in dire need of an upgrade. There’s a much larger issue at play here boys and girls, something far more critical than the fate of a poor struggling device clinging to relevance. Why are humans so focused on upgrading gadgets and tech? What about us? The real upgrade needed isn’t for the bleep, but for this bundle of worms between our ears built billions of years ago that is well overdue an upgrade, THE HUMAN BRAIN!
Declaration: Let it be known, I am no professional writer; BUT I write. Does that make me a writer? My calling is in the field of AI in Healthcare.
Conflict of interest: To anyone out there pioneering AI Brain-augmentation looking for an investor, count me in! DM me on LinkedIn
Curious about when the next human brain upgrade will be, subscribe to theHotBleep, the only digital medical platform to make you laugh and learn.
